If love were knocking on your door, would you open the door and get it in with open arms, would you peek suspiciously through the letterbox, or somewhere in the middle? I ask because I know from experience that seeking love and being ready for love are two different things. Maybe we go online, send messages and meet for coffee, but maybe we do it with steel walls around our heart. So how do you open your heart and prepare for love?
These five steps will help you open your heart:
Make room for love
Is there a place in your life for a spouse? Is there a place in your schedule? Is there a place in your head and heart?
You can start researching these questions by examining how much time you spend dating online and in person. Is dating a thought afterwards at the end of a work day or a busy week or is the search for love a top priority in your life? Do you put minimal effort into your profile or the messages you send, or do you invest time in creating an appealing profile that does you justice?
Giving your love life the time and energy it deserves signals to God and your future partner that you are ready. Try to create some time in your schedule for online dating and maybe take yourself on a date that you would like your future partner to offer, whether it’s a village trip or a gallery visit.
Next, ask yourself if your romantic board is clean. Have you released ex-spouses or are you still sending them messages or holding a candle for them? It is hard to welcome a new love when we cling to an old love. Release everyone you need to release.
Work on your stuff
Let’s face it, we all have things, baggage, challenges, wounds and injuries that sabotage our romantic lives. You can open your heart by committing to work on our issues in any way that suits you best, perhaps with a trusted friend, office staff, consultant, therapist or coach.
By doing so, each of us is able to dismantle our defenses, end the cycle of self-sabotage and find and create the relationship we deserve. We also give our relationship the best chance of success, because our old painful relationship will inevitably rise when we form an intimate relationship with someone else.
The key is to move forward with attention, self-awareness, a sense of wholeness and healing some of our vulnerabilities. Beware of signs that you are coming out with a passion for love, affection or verification. Dating with a minus is dangerous.
Understand what you are looking for
One of my coaching clients recently shared that she never thought about what she wanted in a relationship. She drifted in and out of partnerships, regardless of any criteria.
We do not want to get too fixed an idea about our future spouse – in my experience, the person we think we want to be with is not always the person we need God We may be in for a surprise – but it’s helpful to get a broad idea of the relationship we want, along with the values that are important to us.
It is also helpful to know the qualities we would struggle to get in a partner. Thinking about it will help us have a greater diagnosis when we go out on a date.
Work on creating a happy and contented life
Our romantic life is just one part of the big cake. This is an important section, yes, but if we focus on it to the detriment of everyone else, we will not be potentially attractive. Who would you rather go out with – a person with a full life, a healthy social network and some interesting passions and hobbies, or a person who focuses solely on finding a romantic partner or without joy and purpose?
If we continue to create a life we truly love and pursue our passions alongside dating, our profiles will shine and so will our eyes.
To help open your heart, keep it light
Drop the heaviness, resist stress and pressure and have fun with dating and relationships. I remember being so stressed when I went out on a date. It felt so important to do it right, not to make a mistake, to make the right choice.
I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders, until I relaxed, took the pressure off myself and my friend then (today my husband) and decided to trust the process and enjoy the experience.
If you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders or you are anxious about the right choice, take a moment now to sit or lie down, take a few deep breaths, smile and maybe even laugh. Everything is fine. God has your back.
Try these five steps to open your heart and listen to the knock on your door.
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