How to Handle the Why Am I Single Conversation (in Your Head and With Others) During Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, despite all the empowering Valentine’s Day posts on social media and offers to schedule a spa treatment for yourself, carries a layer of horror for singles everywhere they have yet to find a long-term partner who meets their standards.

Whether single, seeing someone new, or even if you’re in a serious relationship, Valentine’s Day almost promises a host of questions from well-meaning relatives, friends and friends of friends who seem to think they deserve details about one of the most intimate parts of your life. Add to that the constant barrage of self-criticism that goes through your head and laments the love that may have been, and the whole holiday becomes something to resent and protect.

Since most self-limiting questions and thoughts are often unwanted and often, in fact, painful, here are some special tips for respectful dating to cancel these conversations early, wherever you are in the dating process.

Treat your inner critic with compassion
If your inner critic steals your joy on this Valentine’s Day, remember to express compassion for yourself.

Usually, we give compassion to others but not to ourselves. If someone is suffering we feel an urge to help in some way. You are aware that they are suffering, you respond politely and offer support. In the case of self-compassion, you adopt the same strategy but apply it to yourself.

Remind yourself that ‘it makes sense’ to feel your feelings on this day, whatever they may be.

Take a few minutes to sit down with the emotions, identify them, and then create an action plan to find healthy distractions that will fill your self-love container. And remember, sometimes spa treatment will not be the easy solution. Whether it’s over-watching old episodes of Seinfeld or setting a zoom date with your friends, pick something that feels good to you.

Single / “So, is there anyone special in your life this year for Valentine’s Day?”
Whether they are on a trip, unlucky in love or choose to focus on your career, singles often feel questions such as these shed an unwanted spotlight on their loneliness, insecurity and fears about the future.

While you may feel that this question implies your solo status is something to be ashamed of, it often stems from nothing more than a search for small talk. Or if the person is a relative, the question is probably from a place of good intention and they just want to see you find someone who makes you happy.

Remember this when preparing a direct and authentic answer something like “I went on a date but have not yet met someone who suits me.” If you have not gone on a date, or you find dating during a challenging epidemic, the invitation is still to keep it concise and genuine. An answer that conveys that you are open to meeting someone special and currently researching how to do it better will suffice. Most importantly, remember, you can prevent the pessimist from stealing your optimism by maintaining an optimistic conversation.

Chatter some cool stats like, thanks to the epidemic, social distancing and work from home, while loneliness unfortunately contributes to the epidemic of loneliness, virtual dating has continued to thrive throughout the epidemic – from March to May 2020, OKCupid experiences a 700% increase in usage – and apps that allow us to connect with friends , Our family and colleagues flourished, with Zoom’s user base growing by almost 2,000% between January and April 2020.

Know (and remind yourself) that timing has never been better and you are ready and excited for the future. If the questions persist, find a kind way to change the subject by asking a question, talking about something else you have in common (e.g., “What do you think of this Tom Brady ?!”).

New couple / “Are things starting to get serious?”
Even if you’re dating someone but have not yet formed an exclusive relationship with your new guy, the people who are waiting to ask you about your plans for Valentine’s Day may already be one step ahead of you. If the rumor has spread to family and friends that there is a new man in your life, chances are the issue will come up and many may wonder aloud if he has serious potential for a relationship.

While you may be echoing the same questions in your head, this is also where you need to answer them. Do not let stress from family and friends push the timeline of your emerging relationship, but take time to first understand how you feel. You may be bubbling with excitement about your new boyfriend and can talk about it all day, but keep the researchers (and yourself) away by simply telling them it’s too early to know but you’m happy with the situation. And if you have no plans for Valentine’s Day, let them know that the slower you go, the faster you will get there.

In a long-term relationship / “Do you think he’s the one?”
The incessant questions do not stop once you have found someone you would like to keep around. Even if you’ve been dating for six months or more, any kind of long-term committed relationship starts inviting questions about “forever”. Answer only how much you feel comfortable, depending on who it is and how they ask. It could be that you are currently suffering from a serious problem in your relationship or it is simply uncomfortable for you to share these intimate details. If this is the first, you do not owe anyone an explanation and can find a way to express that he is a special person but none of you are in a hurry. The hope is that your ambiguity signals that it’s time for a chance at the subject without hurting the questioner’s feelings.