It would be nice if we had a crystal ball that would tell us which romantic outings would be successful right at the beginning so we would not spend precious time with the wrong people.
I can not guarantee you will never be a ghost again, but I can turn you into a talented “intent detector” so that you have the best chance of spending your time with people who are serious about your relationship with you.
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“A guy promised he would talk to me again, but ghosted and gone for months. How do I stop feeling defeated and move on after someone leaves me clinging to his words like that?” Look, no one can leave you clinging to their words. Never, never, never give anyone else that power over you. Never give anyone this responsibility to give you a closure. The closure is overrated. You sit there months later and wait for it to close. No. Never wait for closure from anyone else because you may never get it. You could spend your whole life waiting for someone to close. “Why did they do it? Why would they just disappear? Why would they break my heart? Why did they do what they did even though they said they had completely different intentions? Why did they do it instead?” Never wait for someone else to close.
What you need to do is give yourself a closure. Give yourself this closure. You know what? The only closure I need is that in this specific case, a guy promised he would see me again and then not. Can you sit there and think how this closure? The closure is that you have received confirmation that this person is not the right person for him. Confirm that this person’s actions do not live up to his words and try to be in a relationship with someone whose actions do not live up to his words. It will make you deep, deep, very miserable. So you should rejoice by the way that you are not in touch with that person, because you know what is worse than someone who does not keep his word and you have lost him? Someone who does not keep his word and you still have them. Someone you are still in a relationship with who breaks his promises all the time, who does not show up all the time. It’s worse.
This person has given you a gift. This person has shown you that he is not who he said he was or that his intentions were not what he said, and now he has given you the gift to move on and meet someone else. But you can give yourself this gift only at the end of the day, because if you sit there waiting for closure or cling to something someone said, go, “But what happened? Reality did not match what they said.” So this is the reality, that this person does not mean what he says and that you are lucky that he came out of your life. For everyone out there, whenever someone reassures you, whenever someone does not show up for you, it’s a kind of closure. People always show you who they are. Maya Angelo said when someone tells you who he is, listen. If someone tells you he’s a selfish person, listen. If someone tells you he’s addicted to work and will never have time for you, listen. Do not ignore the things people tell you and do not ignore what you see. If someone tells you something but his actions do not match it, do not ignore his actions either.
And by the way, some of you might say, “Well, how do you know whether to pay attention to someone’s actions or his words? Because their actions did not say the right thing, but their words were.” Well, here’s an interesting scenario. Well, first, when someone tells you a lot of beautiful things but his actions do not match it, you need to pay attention to his actions. I’ll repeat this because I’m about to flip it. Then look at it. You’re going to remember that for the rest of your life. It’s really, really fascinating. If anyone tells you, I love you. I want you, this, this, Bella, Bella, Bella. But they are not really investing in you, watch their actions, not their words because their actions are more important. But what about the situation where someone does all the right things with … almost plays like he’s your friend, shows up, hangs out with you, does all these things you would think someone would do if he was really passionate about you, but they tell you, “I I do not want a relationship. “
You can say, “Matt, what am I doing in this scenario? Their actions say all the right things, but their words say the wrong things. You said pay attention to their actions, not their words. But their actions say the right things.” Here is the warning. I want you to remember this rule, because it may sound a little complicated. It is not. It’s very simple. Pay attention to someone’s actions more than to his words, unless he is telling you something that is uncomfortable for him to say. Imagine a drug ad. I live in America now. The drug ads here are hilarious. You watch three minutes of two old people who previously suffered from back pain, who now skip the meadow, feel fine, feel great, dance, and it tells you about all the ways this ball has relieved them of their back pain.
But in the end, as fast as they can say it, they tell you all the ways this pill is going to make you depressed and unhappy, how it will give you suicidal tendencies, how it can create a huge rash all. On your body, how you will have constant nausea, all these things that the pill may do to you, it means very fast in the end. And a drug ad will not say them unless. It says these things because it has to say them. Not because they want to, but because it has to tell them. Not because it’s convenient, but because it’s a waiver of liability. It’s in a relationship, when someone plays your boyfriend but at the same time tells you, “I just really, really do not want a relationship.” It’s like a waiver at the end of a drug ad.
It’s like, “Do not look at this thing I say. Enjoy us skip the meadow together, dance, enjoy the best time ever. Focus on it. Focus on it. Focus on it. Focus on what this pill will do to your happiness in the short term. Focus on it. Focus on it Focus on that. By the way, I do not want a relationship and probably will never want to. “This is the part you need to listen to because this part did not help him at that moment. That someone says it’s true. If someone says something that is hard to say, you can treat it as truth. If someone tells you what you want to hear, it’s the time you need to watch their actions to see if their actions actually back them up.
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