Jordan Peterson recently told Russell Brand and Mikhaila Peterson something that has parents and non-parents arguing online: parenthood is essential to becoming an adult.
The debate is entertaining. The applied version is the one that ends relationships. Hosts Matthew Hussey and Stephen spent a full episode unpacking the claim, and their conversation reveals something more useful than philosophy. For anyone dating, the real question is not whether Peterson is right about adulthood. It is whether you and your partner have the same answer about kids—and whether you have asked early enough to act on it.
Quick take
- Peterson argued that real adulthood requires having children.
- Hussey and Stephen pushed back, acknowledging the insight while questioning its absoluteness.
- The kids question is one of the few dating topics where misalignment cannot be compromised.
- Maturity shows up in dozens of places beyond raising children.
- The right time to ask is before year one, not before year five.
The claim, stripped of its drama
Peterson's position was essentially that parenthood teaches unselfishness. Without that crucible, you stay a selfish bachelor no matter your résumé. It is a tidy line, and it lands hard on anyone who has watched a friend level up the moment a baby arrived.
Both hosts grant the kernel of it. People who go through parenthood do report a new capacity for love, a new tolerance for chaos, a willingness to put their own comfort last. Hussey notes that many women who work in the dating space have spent years with clients grieving the children they never had—infertility, wrong timing, or simply never meeting the right partner. Those women are not children themselves. Telling them they have not matured because biology or circumstance kept them childless adds injury on top of loss.
Where the claim stops working
Stephen's pushback is direct. Maturity is plural. There are parents who stay reckless with money, careless with partners, emotionally frozen in their twenties—all while raising kids. There are childless adults carrying more responsibility than most of their friends with families. The link between parenting and adulthood is one correlation among many, not a law of nature.
Why this lands as a dating question, not a philosophy lecture
The abstract version is fun for late nights. The applied version is the one that ends relationships. Both hosts agree: the kids question belongs at the front of the relationship, not the end. If you and a partner have read the same script about parenthood but written opposite roles, no amount of communication courses will bridge it.
Our analysis
Peterson is half right. Parenting can crack you open in ways that almost nothing else does, and anyone who dismisses that out of hand is missing something real. He is also half wrong. Plenty of adults without kids have built lives of deep care and discipline, and plenty of parents have stayed self-centred in ways their children quietly absorb.
The trade-off that matters most: when one partner wants kids and the other is uncertain or opposed, neither is wrong. They are simply incompatible in a way that requires honesty, not compromise. Waiting for someone to change their mind is not a strategy—it is a gamble with years as the currency.
Who wins if you sort this early? Everyone. You either build toward the same future, or you free each other to find someone who does.
What to watch: language that sounds like agreement but is not. "Open to kids" without a timeline. "Someday" without a year. These phrases often mean politely, eventually, but not really. Press gently. If answers stay vague, the answer is usually no.
Bottom line
Kids can grow you up. So can therapy, long marriage, hard jobs, chosen family, and a decade of showing up. What actually matters in dating is whether you and your partner have the same answer about parenthood—and whether you have the courage to ask before the calendar makes the decision for you.
Key takeaways
- Adulthood has many doorways, and parenthood is only one of them.
- Sort out the kids question before year one, not before year five.
- Do not let any public figure shame your timeline.
- "Someday" without a year is usually a polite no.
- The right partner is the one whose plan matches yours, not the one who argues best on a podcast.
Frequently asked questions
Does not having kids mean I am less of an adult?
No. Adulthood is shown through responsibility, empathy, and follow-through—in parenting and out of it.
How do I bring up kids with someone I am dating?
Earlier than feels comfortable. Frame it as shared planning, not a demand. If they panic, that is data.
My partner says he wants kids "someday." What do I do?
Ask for a year. "Someday" without a number is usually a soft no.
Is it fair to break up over the kids question?
Yes. It is one of the few areas where a clean break now saves a much messier one later.
Can a childfree couple be just as happy as parents?
Yes, especially when both partners chose it freely and built a full life together.