the Something to do Ship

You were just something to do. I well remember the first time I heard the phrase. I got pregnant from a man I thought was my boyfriend at the time. He was not happy with the pregnancy and was not ready for another child. He very quickly suggested I have an abortion. I was twenty-eight years old and I felt I was old enough and ready. I’ve never been pregnant before either. I lied and told him I would continue with it. After two weeks of stopping, he grabbed me and came to the conclusion that I would not drop the baby.

A few more weeks passed when I tried to act like I was not pregnant to please him and he tried to deal with it before he finally picked up. On examination, which lasted six months, the doctors did not find a pulse, and later it turned out that I had lost the baby due to compression in the umbilical cord. The whole thing made me go into depression. It was also hard to try to deal with everything without the father. When I felt sad and lonely, one day, I decided to visit my sister. She and my nephew’s father shared a place. When I drank with him, I thought like a man in a relationship; He can give an insight if my baby’s father will ever come back. His response was, “You were just something to do.” Not being the answer I was looking for, I immediately shrugged it off as bad advice. When I recovered and went back to the dating pool, the phrase would raise his ugly head again, this time with a clearer meaning and understanding. I would exhaust this “something to make a ship”.

Beware of the “something to do” ship. For the person involved who is trying to have a relationship, this is the beginning of something new and hopeful. For the other person involved they know you are not who they want to be with. They keep you around to pass the time and extort money, sex or other benefits from you until they find the person they really want to be with.

After I went back to the dating database, my standards were a little higher, but my understanding was not much better. Determined to get back into a relationship and get pregnant again, but this time by a guy who already had kids and lived a bit together. It turns out that this type of bachelor is notorious for “something to do ships”.

I had lunch with some of my co-workers and heard one talking about Find a chick to connect with for the weekend. He said he had to choose which girl would be “best for the job”. I asked what his explanation was for “best for the job.” His answer opened my eyes to the things I had done for myself. Because he felt lazy and lacking in money, it would be someone who had his own car and money. That way, he would not have to spend money on fuel to get it and maybe even convince her to bring a drink and something to eat. Then, she could drive herself home, and all the while he did not have to take out a penny or lift a finger. Sounds like a fool, right? Well, say hello to the fool. At the time, I was dealing with a guy who did the same things and thought it would eventually lead to us becoming a couple. In fact, in previous relationships, I would do these things for months, and it would always end up with them meeting someone else and committing to them in a less time frame when we were together. I so wanted a relationship that I ignored all the signs!

After hearing my co-workers’ conversation it became clear to me. I was just “something to do”. Think about it, even if you have no feelings for someone he is still doing all these things for you when they come. You will not necessarily prevent them from coming, but instead, leave them around until you find someone. Most men hate being alone; This way, they can get their cake and also eat it. In the case of my baby’s father, it’s not the things I did, but that he has someone to do. In retrospect, there were always clear signs that he was not overcoming his daughter’s mother. He was considerably saddened by their separation and talked about it often. I was basically his thing to do until they were back together or his special person arrived. For him, getting pregnant would not only jeopardize his return with his children’s mother, but might jeopardize his ability to move on when he eventually finds the person he really wanted to be with. I don’t even want to imagine how many “something to do ship” babies are born with every day, doomed from the start.

I also looked back on a time I was so excited about what I thought was a Valentine date. You see, “the girl to do,” as the side chick is rarely invited to go on holidays. On this particular holiday I was called to Adam’s house. When I got there, I found out that his car had broken down, and as a friend of mine, he was also short of money. I let him borrow a few bucks, and we went to the liquor store. He came in and came out with champagne and one of those lone roses they took out on Valentine’s Day right at the checkout. Everything is for your fee really. Of course, I was in heaven, but in reality, I was the girl “something to do“For a guy who had nothing to do on this particular holiday. He would also go fast with someone else. I finally came to my advice with my sister’s friend’s advice and with the many ‘something to do’ ships I got into even after that.

Very quickly I stopped being the girl who brought the whole party to the guy’s house. I stopped getting so many requests to go out and ended up getting ghosts. I also stopped wandering around hopelessly waiting for something to turn into “something to make ships.” A person knows exactly what he wants quickly. It does not take months of cooking and cleaning, and playing a woman. So with all that, I will end this article by saying that when you see the signs discussed and said by someone like I was early in it, you are just “something to do”, believe it and move on quickly. There is someone out there waiting to make you his special person and not just the “something to do”.

My name is Chetra Miller, I’m a 44 year old single mother. Right now, my son and I live in Oak Park, IL. My dream was to be a writer as a child. During summer vacation I recently hooked up with a friend who writes and asked how she got started. She told me about guest blogs and here I am. Trying things. I have a lot of stories to tell so let’s start the party. I’m grateful for the opportunity!