Although INFJs are often presented as the rarest types, making up only 1-3% of the population, being and going out with INFJs is not always as exciting as it sounds. Take it from me, INFJ. They are a jumble of complications that are difficult for them to fit into and see the world just as it is. From a young age they begin to feel inappropriate. Over time, they begin to notice problems in their friendships and relationships that come along with being INFJs. Going out with INFJ may seem like a dream because of their rarity, but their uniqueness comes with a price. This means that dating with INFJ is not for everyone. Some INFJ traits can become problematic in their relationships.
1. Sensitivity and empathy
INFJs are inherently sensitive. Because internalized intuition is their dominant cognitive function, INFJs are not new to observing human behavior, following their intuition, and sense of empathy toward people. However, in the long run, it often becomes the basis for arguments in relationships.
INFJs are good at recognizing lies and knowing things. They expect transparency, but some things in relationships may just not share them. For example, sexual thoughts about someone else, severed family relationships, legal cases coming to court, etc. Once the INFJ feels dishonesty and deception, their mind becomes restless. They are unable to accept the fact that their partners are not 100% honest with them. INFJ’s increased empathy also plays a role in this. For example, if their spouse comes home sad, they will just feel it. But it becomes a problem as soon as what the spouse says does not match how the INFJ believes they feel. This creates negativity in the mind of the INFJ and they may start to keep their distance with their partner because they may feel that their partner is not completely comfortable with them and does not consider them their “safe” place – being an INFJ will take immense pride on.
2. Unrealistic expectations
INFJs are dreamers. They need to feel that the world they live in is as big as the world they create in their head. They firmly believe that people need to grow every day and become a better version of themselves. So, naturally, they push themselves and their significant other to thrive as individuals. Check it Testimony article To learn more about ENTP – INFJ personality relationships and how they make it work.
From the outside, it can seem like forcing a person to be a certain kind of way. It is easy for the spouse to feel pressured to be a specific person that the INFJ is idealizing. It may seem as if the INFJ does not care about the spouse’s willingness to be the “improved” version of themselves that exists inside the INFJ’s head. INFJs feel that every person needs to work to get better with each passing day. But these expectations are heavily placed on their lovers. Eventually, their spouse may get tired of them and feel insufficient as a person about not meeting these expectations.
3. Strong morality
It is a known fact that the INFJ has unchallenged values and principles that motivate their actions. Their belief systems are of love, kindness, justice and equality. They live by their moral code. Some of the most famous INFJs in the world are known for bringing change because of their deep values. Martin Luther King Jr. led the American civil rights movement in the 1950s and 1960s against racism. Also, Nelson Mandela fought for the same goal until the day he died. Both were INFJs and fought for equality in their lives.
Their morality is one of the main motives of their lives. While humanity precedes them, it is necessary to know that the right things are being done. Also, they expect their partner to do just the right things. They may lose the fact that their spouse is a person completely different from them. This can be burdensome for the INFJ spouse because INFJs do not compromise when it comes to certain values. The spouse may feel like they are not being accepted as he is. They may feel forced. The spouse’s efforts to hold the relationship together may be of little or no use if the INFJ feels that his or her spouse is living outside of his or her moral code.
4. Complex personality
Along with being the rarest personality type of MBTI, they carry the title of “most incomprehensible”. One of the dreams of any INFJ is to feel like you belong somewhere, to feel at home with someone. At one point or another in their lives, they give up on understanding them as they are.
Being complex is an inherent quality of INFJ. People may see them as too complicated to understand. What went into the mind of the INFJ has always remained a mystery. There can certainly be cases where they open up. But mostly it makes them feel even more like an outcast. No matter how much someone tries to understand INFJ, everything seems to be going in vain. An understanding partner may try to get to know INFJ in depth, but sooner or later, it gets tiring. For example, a spouse may try to understand why time alone is mandatory for INFJ or they may try to understand why INFJ enjoys talking to plants and animals. At first, INFJ’s unique strangeness may seem tempting. But in the distant future, it will be something that affects their relationship.
5. Giving nature
INFJs are inherently giving. But the problem is that they have a tendency to give too much. The fact that they forget to keep their boundaries in a relationship and tend to love their spouses more than themselves with them can be a fitting example. INFJ is someone who has never put himself in the first place. For them, their loved ones always come first. They do not make decisions without any regard for those they treasure. They will never make decisions that hurt their family or friends in any way. INFJs will take a bullet for them if they need to. They never realize how much of themselves they give to others because they are always acting from a place of love, they have a sense of purpose as a giver, and put the needs of others before their own. They never bother to measure it. INFJs tend to keep just the dish enough to survive for themselves and give the rest. They find beauty in giving.
Extremely important boundaries in relationships. When someone is completely devoted to their relationship, the other person may easily take it for granted. After all, we do not live in an age where “my life revolves around you” sounds like a good idea. Once the INFJ is in love and takes down its wall, there are no boundaries. They may see that there are “walls” as completely insincere. When this happens, it becomes a concern in relationships – especially if the partner has his or her own boundaries. INFJ people may try to respect that, but because of their sensitive nature, there will be options that they will feel hurt.
Like bulls, INFJs are known to be extremely stubborn. As for their strong morals, they do not back down when it comes to what they believe in. INFJs are the kind of people who will fight to the end for what they see fit.
Their stubbornness, unfortunately, becomes an obstacle in their romantic relationship. Once the INFJ believes they are right about something, even if the world falls apart, they will not change their minds. Being with someone means that certain situations require compromises. The partner of the INFJ, in some situations, may get tired of being the “understander” and let things slip. For example, INFJ will hate the idea of his partner carrying designer handbags made of animal skin and INFJ may ask his partner not to invite a good friend because he is spreading negative vibrations. Even if the INFJ loves someone to death, they will leave the relationship behind if it means they have to choose something they do not believe in.
A mature and “conscious” INFJ may have self-control and take good care of their relationships. However, to some extent, certain traits will affect their relationship or their spouse in one way or another. INFJ may block these feelings and suffer alone. It is extremely important that the INFJ prepares itself before entering into a relationship because they know what comes with it. INFJ may experience failed relationships more than a few times because of his personality differences with his partner. A mature INFJ may try to find acceptance in certain things instead of responding because of how honestly it explains their nature. They may seek advice from other people. Some INFJs may take freedom from relationships and focus on taking over certain traits and emotions. Some may choose not to be committed until they find themselves as an individual. It is important for those who go out with INFJs to understand what is in store and understand them better when these cases do occur.
If you have met INFJ and you have trouble connecting to it, read this article on how to flirt with INFJ.